Lil Firecracker makes yet another trip to the gym today, this after going at 5 o’ clock this morning, 12 this afternoon, 6 o’ clock this evening and now 11 o’ clock at night. Clearly, she’s trying to bulk up for the upcoming arm wrestling match between her and defending champion Latina Heat this Thursday. I guess the steroids weren’t doin’ it for her. Hey, everyone’s thinking it. I’m simply writing it. Of course she denies it, but so did A-Roid—I mean “Rod.” How else do you explain her rocky home life? A neighbor, who asked to remain anonymous, swears she hears Firecracker physically abusing her husband on “a regular basis.” Hellooo, Roid Rage, people! Come on! Why hasn’t she been tested yet? Seriously, this is appalling. If you look back on the great arm wrestlers of the 30’s and 40’s, they didn’t need illegal substances to win. They did it on pure strength. And look at the guns on Latina Heat! You better keep pumping that iron, Lil Firecracker, ‘cause the Arm Wrestling Federation is closing in…and so is the fight for the title. If you can’t handle the Heat, get out of the kitchen.
On a related topic, Latina Heat, the current arm wrestling champion, was seen out earlier today with a hunk who looks suspiciously like Lil Firecracker’s husband. That is, her current husband. If you recall, her ex is currently in rehab. Since Firecracker’s current residence is the fitness gym, it’s understandable that her husband would go looking for companionship. And who better than Firecracker’s archenemy, Latina Heat? Scandal! But I can’t help but worry for his safety. Everyone knows that Firecracker’s husband is rolling in money. His blood is probably green. So is Latina Heat planning on seducing him, marrying him, and then killing him for his money? I don’t think arm wrestlers make that much money. But then again, maybe I’m overreacting. Obviously, L. Heat isn’t as good at killing as she is at arm wrestling. Her first stab at homicide wasn’t exactly successful (though she was successful in wriggling out of life in a jail cell). Perhaps she is trying to hone her killer skills to relieve her nervous energy caused by the upcoming match. Good luck with that….with the match, I mean.
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